


I'm A Mess (Oh God, I'm Sorry)

by Krasimer



Series: The Summerhold Chronicles [12]
Category: Danny Phantom
Genre: And then things happened, Anyone watching can see that, Confrontations, Danny Knows, Danny goes to see him, F/M, Forgiveness, Freakshow was mentally unstable, Ghosts, Headcanon, Lydia and Freakshow were a couple, MIW are slowly being disbanded, Mental Breakdown, Mental Health Issues, Mental Institutions, Which killed her and made him insane
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-07
Updated: 2017-11-07
Packaged: 2019-01-30 14:23:51
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,372
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12655296
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Krasimer/pseuds/Krasimer
Summary: Freakshow was a lot smaller than he remembered.He was wearing an entirely white outfit, his hands clasped together in his lap as he stared at the wall. His eyes were unfocused, his skin was still just as pale as Danny remembered. Apparently, the dead-white of him hadn’t been makeup like they’d assumed as teenagers. From the file he’d found on the man, Freakshow was an albino. Part of his insanity had been caused by a mental break.The file had mentioned why.





	I'm A Mess (Oh God, I'm Sorry)

He looked oddly small.

Danny frowned as he tucked his hands into balls on his hips because of the lack of pockets. Frederick Isaac Showenhower was, in his memory, a tall and thin man with a permanent sneer. He had featured in several weeks’ worth of nightmares after the Circus Gothika incident, large and terrifying.

Freakshow was a lot smaller than he remembered.

He was wearing an entirely white outfit, his hands clasped together in his lap as he stared at the wall. His eyes were unfocused, his skin was still just as pale as Danny remembered. Apparently, the dead-white of him hadn’t been makeup like they’d assumed as teenagers. From the file he’d found on the man, Freakshow was an albino. Part of his insanity had been caused by a mental break.

The file had mentioned why.

Danny took a deep breath and opened the door to his room, knocking on the frame. The GIW location nearby had recently shut down and any human they had in their collection had been either released to a prison or to a psychiatric hospital. Freakshow had been among the latter.

“Hello?” red eyes lifted to watch Danny. “Oh, you’re not a nurse. Thought it might be time for my medication. They’re _so good_ about keeping me on a schedule,” he smiled and it was crooked and almost too human. None of what Danny was seeing matched with the fear from when he was fourteen. “Oh, my apologies! Here,” he gestured at the chair near the bed. “Please, take a seat.”

“Thanks,” Danny nodded and swallowed nervously as he did. “How’re you doing today?”

“Very well, thank you,” Freakshow seemed almost too small in the hospital clothing, thinner but healthier than he had been ten years ago. “Do…Forgive me, do I know you?”

“We met once,” Danny nodded again, leaning his elbows on his knees and curling his hands together. “A _long_ time ago. I heard you were getting treated here, wanted to see how it was going. We didn’t get along so well when we met.”

“ _Ah,”_ Freakshow made a face and sighed. “Well, if it helps any, I apologize for that.”

“It does,” Danny assured him. “Just a little.”

“If I may ask, when did we meet?” his eyes were wide and searching Danny’s face, trying to identify him. “Truly sorry, but my memory of the last decade is somewhat…Unreliable. I remember waking up here and being told some of what happened to me in the name of science and keeping people safe. I can remember the very end of what was done to me. Everything before that is…Muddled, I’m afraid.”

Danny swallowed again, then pursed his lips. “Do you remember your circus?”

“Oh, which one?” Freakshow laughed a little, cheerful and pleased. “I’ve been in a couple. My first one ever was when I was seventeen. I ran away from home and joined up, I’ve always loved the stage.”

“What about your second one?”

“I was approached for my talents and hired by the second,” Freakshow – Frederick – smiled a little, pleased with himself. “I could change between the high-wire and juggling while riding various things including elephants. I also was in training to take over as the ringmaster.”

He had to do it, he had to ask. “What about the third circus you were in?”

Frederick’s good mood melted away like snow in July. “Oh,” he closed his eyes for a second. “Is that where I met you?”

“Yeah,” Danny felt a part of himself cringe at how upset the man looked. “Yeah, it was.”

“Oh, I am so _very_ sorry,” Frederick looked back up at him, his hands white-knuckled in his lap. “I was not in my right mind. It does not excuse it, not from what I remember having done, but I hope it explains it. What did I do to you?”

“My name’s Danny,” he held out a hand for Frederick to shake. “You mind-controlled me.”

“Oh,” Frederick shrunk back from him, looking even more horrified. “ _Oh._ You were the boy who could—I nearly got you to kill your friends. No amount of apologizing could change what I’ve done, could help heal the hurt I caused. Are you alright now?” he studied Danny’s clothing for a second. “You aren’t wearing patient clothing, so I take that as a good sign. You were a _child_ ,” Frederick had tears in his eyes as he covered his mouth with one hand. “I never knew how old you were, but I knew that you were a child.”

“Hey,” Danny held up both hands in the universal sign for ‘calm down’. “I’m okay. More than okay, actually. I’ve still got my friends, we’re all still alive. And hey, you’re alive too.”

“How old were you?”

“I was fourteen. My best friend Sam was the goth one of our group and she loved your show right up until the point you turned out to be the bad guy of the week.” Danny grinned when Frederick looked overjoyed for a moment. “I think if you are okay now, you’re going to be just fine. You seem like it, anyway.”

“…Why are you _here?_ ” Frederick’s expression shifted to curiosity. “I would think you would want to avoid me.”

“Because I read your file,” Danny admitted. “Because I know what happened to you. Her name was Lydia Atwood and she was, well…”

“She was the love of my life,” Frederick finished quietly.

Danny nodded. “Yeah. That. The file said she died in an accident in the ring. Can you tell me what happened?”

“She fell off the tightrope.” Frederick’s gaze dropped to the ground. “Someone had strung it up incorrectly and someone had forgotten to check it before the show. Or maybe someone had checked it before the show and someone else came along and undid it. Or maybe – Or maybe that is exactly how I broke down in the first place.”

“Was she supposed to be up there?”

“Not even slightly,” Frederick giggled nervously. “Lydia, my _beautiful_ Lydia, was a fire-breather and a dancer. She juggled, as well. Had enough practice with the tightrope that she _could_ walk it, should not have been performing during the show. Someone else had gotten sick and it was too late to change the program.” Frederick looked angry for a second, his nearly not-there eyebrows drawn down in his rage. “And I should have pushed harder for her not to go on. Not like that.”

That explained a lot of the stuff about her, Danny thought. “Would you want to see her again?”

“Oh,” Frederick breathed out the word in a rush of air, his body seeming empty suddenly. “More than _anything._ ”

Danny smiled as he felt an energy draw closer and she dropped into visibility.

“ _Lydia,_ ” It was extremely gratifying to see the adoration in Frederick’s eyes as he scrambled off his bed and stood in front of her. His hands twitched like he wanted to draw her into a hug but he held himself back. “Lovely Lydia,” he studied her face and smiled, besotted. “My dear _beautiful_ Lydia.”

Her eyes glowed red and she tilted her head to look at him, a smile curling her lips. She glanced at Danny and nodded, her hands coming up to sign something. ‘ _My ridiculous Frederick,’_ she laughed soundlessly as he giggled. ‘ _I’ve been told you’re better now.’_

“I hope so,” his hands twitched again and she looked down at them. “I never wanted to- I did not mean to hurt you. I once loved you more than life itself, my dear, and I never meant to give any indication that I had changed from that. You were my everything, my sun, my moon, the stars in my skies.” She took his hands when they twitched again, curling her fingers through his. “My endless night and my always bright day.”

Lydia laughed again, her entire form shaking with it, and pressed her forehead to his. After a moment, she wrapped her arms around him, holding him tightly and holding him close.

‘ _Poet._ ’ She signed behind his back to Danny. ‘ _Always has been._ ’

With a grin, Danny half-saluted her and walked out of the room to give them time together.

**Author's Note:**

> So I should explain something.
> 
> My laptop hard drive fried. I only lost a few files and quite a bit of music. Files were already all posted somewhere else, music is easy enough to get back, it's just a bit frustrating. The biggest loss is the computer itself. This has booted me back to my older one with a multitude of problems. (There is a reason I upgraded, after all.) The internet adapter in my older one is not as functional, so it makes it harder to use the wifi at home. Updates will come less often but I swear to you, I am doing my best.


End file.
